Its nearly three weeks since my nightmare kidneys began to go daft on me. Ive been very close to dying this time, my function went from 17% to 4% and i never ever want to feel like that again. I swear to God I would never have pulled through if it wasn't for Adz. I'm forever grateful for everything hes done for me and I can truely say hes a star and I love him more than I could ever love any one. He's proved to me how much he cares and loves me and for the first time in my adult life I can say Ive found true love.
This has shook me up abit with just how quickly my health went down hill, i guess i took my health for granted at times as ive always been a fit CF. My problems aren't CF tho and sadly once kidneys pack in they don't recover.
Throughtout all of this of course my family haven't been brill with my sister being a moo and having a hizzy fit and not speaking to any of us. She was quite hurtful saying that the Drs couldn't do anything more for her( she has CF and has had problems with her liver) but i was OK as I'll have a machine keeping me alive, makes you laugh don't it.
I'm hoping to get out of this nuthouse today( you can tell Im feeling better lol) Ive been moved into a bay with five beds and all old women who fart and moan about everything and anything, God if only they knew eh.
I know we all have a moan now and again but Jeeze this lot are on 24/7.
I hope I never get like that when Im 80.
I want to take a few mins just to thank my friends who have sent lovely messages on facebook for me. Its kept me positive and smiling.
Thanks to my two Fionas, one for the balloons and teddy, the other for stopping by on your way to work and getting me a few bits from the shop, Arther Fionas hubby for the bagpuss frame lol. Donna for her lovely pink kitty and balloons, Nikki for chatting on FB when I was bored and Adam, who is my world and I love him just for everything hes done even tho he wasn't feeling brill his self with a cold.
So fingers crossed that I get out today
laters
xxxxxx
Monday, 4 January 2010
Tuesday, 29 December 2009
Should have been a great Xmas instead it was bollocks
Sorry for not posting sooner but alot has happened to this little kitty and I wish it was good news but it aint.
I set off to get to Adz place on themonday like planned. I was tired but wasn't feeling too bad. when i got to Adz I was really feeling knackered but put it down to the journey.
Tuesday I woke up feeling worse and very dizzy and sick. I couldn't seem to wake up properly so we stayed in for the day. This dizzy feeling kept getting worse as the week went on, almost like i was drunk and i could walk straight, the feeling was horrible and quite scary.
come Friday I was really looking bad and had bad acid reflux. I wobbled out of bed and went to the kitchen to get something to help the acid.
As i took the stuff I brought my head forward but couldn't stop myself and smacked my head on the kitchen work top splitting the side of my head very very close to my eye. I fell to the floor which is where Adz found me..bleeding
Adz got me to the sofa and took my temp which was very low. He wrapped me up in clothes to try and get me warm but it didn't seem to do anything.
Adz said he was taking me to A & E to get seen as I could see he was worried
We spent the day in A&E and I ended up on the Admin ward while they decided what to do.
The reason for me being ill was my kidneys and my calcium levels were sky high.
I spent 4 days there before Adz had to drive me 255 miles back to my hospital because noone could get transport to take me back. i'd had no treatment in those few days and wasn't improving.
I got back to my hospital and spent my xmas day all alone with nothing..no presants, no family total shite day.
Ive got my lappy in hospital nopw which is why im able to update you all now. My kidneys have packed up and im waiting for the Drs to make their minds up about dialysis. As for new year well im going to be in hospital as im too ill for them to let me go in case something happens. All my plans for new year are out the window and i feel alone and frightened. im trying hard to keep my chin up but its difficult.
I want to say a huge thank you to Adz for looking after me, comming to see me every day, buying food in so i could have a good meal, and for driving me 255 miles back to get my treatment sorted. he was a total star and im forever grateful and most of all i love him with all my heart
laters xxx
I set off to get to Adz place on themonday like planned. I was tired but wasn't feeling too bad. when i got to Adz I was really feeling knackered but put it down to the journey.
Tuesday I woke up feeling worse and very dizzy and sick. I couldn't seem to wake up properly so we stayed in for the day. This dizzy feeling kept getting worse as the week went on, almost like i was drunk and i could walk straight, the feeling was horrible and quite scary.
come Friday I was really looking bad and had bad acid reflux. I wobbled out of bed and went to the kitchen to get something to help the acid.
As i took the stuff I brought my head forward but couldn't stop myself and smacked my head on the kitchen work top splitting the side of my head very very close to my eye. I fell to the floor which is where Adz found me..bleeding
Adz got me to the sofa and took my temp which was very low. He wrapped me up in clothes to try and get me warm but it didn't seem to do anything.
Adz said he was taking me to A & E to get seen as I could see he was worried
We spent the day in A&E and I ended up on the Admin ward while they decided what to do.
The reason for me being ill was my kidneys and my calcium levels were sky high.
I spent 4 days there before Adz had to drive me 255 miles back to my hospital because noone could get transport to take me back. i'd had no treatment in those few days and wasn't improving.
I got back to my hospital and spent my xmas day all alone with nothing..no presants, no family total shite day.
Ive got my lappy in hospital nopw which is why im able to update you all now. My kidneys have packed up and im waiting for the Drs to make their minds up about dialysis. As for new year well im going to be in hospital as im too ill for them to let me go in case something happens. All my plans for new year are out the window and i feel alone and frightened. im trying hard to keep my chin up but its difficult.
I want to say a huge thank you to Adz for looking after me, comming to see me every day, buying food in so i could have a good meal, and for driving me 255 miles back to get my treatment sorted. he was a total star and im forever grateful and most of all i love him with all my heart
laters xxx
Sunday, 13 December 2009
excited
I'm So excited now, Im going to Adz tomorrow for Christmas. Ive missed him so much its daft. Im pleased that im started to pick up abit to although im still very tired and seem to sleep for hours on end now. Having kidney failure is making me see that life isn't going to be easy by far. Im struddling to do simple things like shower and wash my hair, I have no car so Im dependent on public transport or friends, neither are helpful at times. I feel quite scared for my future as I know Im going to end up having a carer as i can't do these normal simple things any more. I feel like my life is slipping away and with it my inderpendance.
Ive never had any help from anyone before and this really feels very strange to me. I have hopes and dreams I want to do but the last few weeks of me being unwell has put things on hold for now.
Just wish there was something simple I could do to be the kitty I used to be. Five years ago I was running and swimming, doing yoga three times a week. Now I have the energy of a tadpole and can write my blog and drink tea. Think the day that I can't drink tea is the day my life ends for good. I love my tea.
im looking forward to Xmas and spending morte time with the man I love. the feelings I have for this guy are unreal. something Ive only ever heard from others or read in books.
I see a very happy future with Adz, hes my everything and seems to get me where others don't.
I also hope that those in the CF world all get their wishes if their waiting for a lung transplant. It must be very difficult for them and their families. I'm thinking of one young lady called Jess, shes had a rough ride and now really needs those new lungs.
When I have a down day I think of people li8ke Jess and then everythings put right. What the hell do I need to moan about when theres a young las waiting for new lungs. She shows more strength then I ever could. Its people like her who inspire me. Keeping everything crossed for jess and others that santa gives them the greatest gift in the world......... being able to breathe free and a start of a new life.
much lovies to ya all
xxxx
Ive never had any help from anyone before and this really feels very strange to me. I have hopes and dreams I want to do but the last few weeks of me being unwell has put things on hold for now.
Just wish there was something simple I could do to be the kitty I used to be. Five years ago I was running and swimming, doing yoga three times a week. Now I have the energy of a tadpole and can write my blog and drink tea. Think the day that I can't drink tea is the day my life ends for good. I love my tea.
im looking forward to Xmas and spending morte time with the man I love. the feelings I have for this guy are unreal. something Ive only ever heard from others or read in books.
I see a very happy future with Adz, hes my everything and seems to get me where others don't.
I also hope that those in the CF world all get their wishes if their waiting for a lung transplant. It must be very difficult for them and their families. I'm thinking of one young lady called Jess, shes had a rough ride and now really needs those new lungs.
When I have a down day I think of people li8ke Jess and then everythings put right. What the hell do I need to moan about when theres a young las waiting for new lungs. She shows more strength then I ever could. Its people like her who inspire me. Keeping everything crossed for jess and others that santa gives them the greatest gift in the world......... being able to breathe free and a start of a new life.
much lovies to ya all
xxxx
Thursday, 10 December 2009
Love and Loss
I've been thinking of those who have come into and out of my life the last few days. I've had many relationships fail because of the other person cheating..I never understood why people do that. One of the people I loved 100% and lost was Patrick. Paddy was a top dude with so much love and laughter to give. When he passed away a huge hole was left in my life and I don't think theres a day that goes by that I don't think of him. Adz isn't one for writing I love you much, it kinda hurts in a way as I love this guy so much and I often wonder if he feels the same way. I know i'm not like one of his Exs and never will be, I also know he thought the world of her. I guess everyone gets insurcure and worries ...well thats me.
Only time will tell if it will work, tho if it doesn't Im not going thro another relationship again...it hurts too much.
I'm going to see Adz next week, I'm excited as I haven't seen him for a bit. starting to feel better altho the sickie feelings don't go till afternoon... bloody kidneys.
Trying to write more stories to keep me busy and on Friday Im seeing my mate mick...YAY!
Well thats all as I need a brew
laters fellow hedgehogs
xxx
Only time will tell if it will work, tho if it doesn't Im not going thro another relationship again...it hurts too much.
I'm going to see Adz next week, I'm excited as I haven't seen him for a bit. starting to feel better altho the sickie feelings don't go till afternoon... bloody kidneys.
Trying to write more stories to keep me busy and on Friday Im seeing my mate mick...YAY!
Well thats all as I need a brew
laters fellow hedgehogs
xxx
Tuesday, 8 December 2009
It's tough work being a kitty
I've been busy with tons of things trying to get ready for my visit to Adz. I'm a very romantic little kitty at heart and love to write poems. I have written a few since being with Adz. I find being away from him difficult, never been this much in love before..its great.
I've been suffering with tiredness and feeling dizzy and sick the last week. Its all to do with my renal failure and it gets me down.
I used to be able to run 8 miles a day and swim for as long as i wanted about 5 years ago but now I find it difficult to hold a cup of tea. The day I can't srink tea on my own is the day I end it all I tell you. I hope that if Im lucky enough to get a new kidney that I can get my fitness back to that level again if not better.
In 2005 I did 13 miles of the London marathon, which I was megga proud of as I onl;y trained for three months before and was also told only to do a mile as my renal function was getting worse. Of course I never listen to the docs as if I did I'd never get on in life and do amasing things.
When I'm 100% again I promise I'll do the whole marathon and stick two fingers up to those who think i can't do anything.
I'm lucky CF wise as I have little problems that way, my diabetes is ok but its hard to keep on top of sugar levels with the diet I have.
Life is hard for us all I guess but God to have good health would be fabaroo. I'm sick of being sick and want to party hard like a rock star but sadly theres none of that... well till Xmas then bugger it all.
My life apart from my health is fantastic... I can't believe how Adz has changed my life, hes a good soul and I think the world of him
Anyhoo thats all for now
later gaters
xxx
I've been suffering with tiredness and feeling dizzy and sick the last week. Its all to do with my renal failure and it gets me down.
I used to be able to run 8 miles a day and swim for as long as i wanted about 5 years ago but now I find it difficult to hold a cup of tea. The day I can't srink tea on my own is the day I end it all I tell you. I hope that if Im lucky enough to get a new kidney that I can get my fitness back to that level again if not better.
In 2005 I did 13 miles of the London marathon, which I was megga proud of as I onl;y trained for three months before and was also told only to do a mile as my renal function was getting worse. Of course I never listen to the docs as if I did I'd never get on in life and do amasing things.
When I'm 100% again I promise I'll do the whole marathon and stick two fingers up to those who think i can't do anything.
I'm lucky CF wise as I have little problems that way, my diabetes is ok but its hard to keep on top of sugar levels with the diet I have.
Life is hard for us all I guess but God to have good health would be fabaroo. I'm sick of being sick and want to party hard like a rock star but sadly theres none of that... well till Xmas then bugger it all.
My life apart from my health is fantastic... I can't believe how Adz has changed my life, hes a good soul and I think the world of him
Anyhoo thats all for now
later gaters
xxx
Saturday, 5 December 2009
Happy being kitty
Ive had the best day today. spent most of it with my bestest friend in the world who has just come out of hospital. He's been a total sweetheart and has given a joint gift for me and Adz which was the kindest thing anyones ever done.
All exciting stuff from now on, the next week will fly by as im megga busy Mon, Tues and Wed but this is good cos then on the 14th im off down south for Crimbo!!!!!! WOOHOO
Watching the X factor and been online since teatime but enjoying being on the tinternet and drinking tea. My house mates out tonight which is good.
Spent yesterday trying to tidy my bedroom which looked like a jumble sale. I can now see the floor and what colour my carpet is meant to be instead of jeans , socks, shirts and plastic bags.
Not doing alot tomorrow but must post my Xmas cards. Think i'm ready for xmas now got all my pressies done and wrapped.
Wrapping presants isn't a talent I was born with and me and the tape fell out many times.
My kidneys are being good...Shhhhhhhhhh. My left kidnet is cecil and the right is Burt and cecil is the naughty one. He gives me alot of pain and makes me feel soooo sick. Since having my Iron infection the other week I feel less tired which is brillopads...till the next one anyhoo
Im so blissfully happy, Adz has made my life such a brighter place. Im very much loved and in love life may have its ups and down with my sodding health but i can cope with that knowing i have I good bloke by me too who understands and cares.
laters
xxxxxxx
All exciting stuff from now on, the next week will fly by as im megga busy Mon, Tues and Wed but this is good cos then on the 14th im off down south for Crimbo!!!!!! WOOHOO
Watching the X factor and been online since teatime but enjoying being on the tinternet and drinking tea. My house mates out tonight which is good.
Spent yesterday trying to tidy my bedroom which looked like a jumble sale. I can now see the floor and what colour my carpet is meant to be instead of jeans , socks, shirts and plastic bags.
Not doing alot tomorrow but must post my Xmas cards. Think i'm ready for xmas now got all my pressies done and wrapped.
Wrapping presants isn't a talent I was born with and me and the tape fell out many times.
My kidneys are being good...Shhhhhhhhhh. My left kidnet is cecil and the right is Burt and cecil is the naughty one. He gives me alot of pain and makes me feel soooo sick. Since having my Iron infection the other week I feel less tired which is brillopads...till the next one anyhoo
Im so blissfully happy, Adz has made my life such a brighter place. Im very much loved and in love life may have its ups and down with my sodding health but i can cope with that knowing i have I good bloke by me too who understands and cares.
laters
xxxxxxx
Thursday, 3 December 2009
Rain drops keep falling on my head and the return of Ermintrude the motorcycling cow
I had to go for blood tests today, have been doing for the last 3 weeks for personal reasons. It was sodding raining and when i came out of the hospital it was raining even harder. The worst thing was I got soaked waiting for the flipping bus which of course was late.
Now in the normal world when it rains shoppers tend to stay at home all warm and toastie but today as the mad rush for Christmas presssies continues it was just as busy as ever. I got some wrapping paper and other crap I needed and headed home looking like a soggy moggy.
I've been writing my stories about Ermintrude the motorcycling cow again on facebook. The stories seem to entertain my friends and im hoping I will get them published sometime soon. Boris the bathroom spider and Joe the tree where the others. My imagination can run a muck at times and no one can say im boring..crazy yes but Ive always been loopy.
Adz been a little bit down the last week or so, tired and over done things but seems to be picking up now. I love him to bits and Im spending christmas with Adz and his family which Im looking forward to. Ive also got him megga pressies LOL
I'm a very lucky little kitty who is much loved and wanted by one special person. Kitty world is sparkly and megga happy right now and I know 2010 is going to be filled with alot of the same but better.
laters
xxxxx
Now in the normal world when it rains shoppers tend to stay at home all warm and toastie but today as the mad rush for Christmas presssies continues it was just as busy as ever. I got some wrapping paper and other crap I needed and headed home looking like a soggy moggy.
I've been writing my stories about Ermintrude the motorcycling cow again on facebook. The stories seem to entertain my friends and im hoping I will get them published sometime soon. Boris the bathroom spider and Joe the tree where the others. My imagination can run a muck at times and no one can say im boring..crazy yes but Ive always been loopy.
Adz been a little bit down the last week or so, tired and over done things but seems to be picking up now. I love him to bits and Im spending christmas with Adz and his family which Im looking forward to. Ive also got him megga pressies LOL
I'm a very lucky little kitty who is much loved and wanted by one special person. Kitty world is sparkly and megga happy right now and I know 2010 is going to be filled with alot of the same but better.
laters
xxxxx
Monday, 30 November 2009
Laptop's had swine flu
I've not been on here for a few day's due to my laptop being ill with swine flu. Its alot better now and Im up and running again. Have had a few down days with one thing or another. A very close friend has been ill and was taken into hospital. I must admit I thought I wasn't goping to see him again and its been quite stressful. Thankfully my friend is well on the mend but its going to take a good while before he runs a marathon.
everything with Adz is going well and he's back in Essex for a little while so hes happy with friends and family.
I'm looking forward to Christmas this year as I'm spending it with Adz. My family are an odd bunch and xmas never seems a happy time with them.
I'm also getting my cat Jasmine back, I pick her up in the new year. Ive missed her so much and haven't seen her in 4 months. its a long story of why I haven't got her here but its ended well. Jasmine is my bestest mate, she knows all my fears and dreams but never judges me or tells me I'm stupid like many people do around me.
I have huge hopes and dreams for 2010, and Im going to make dam sure Im going to get them all one way or another.
Now I've had a few days internet free its made me realise just how much I use my lappy. I felt very lonely and I hate that feeling. Ive got my kitty sparkle back and I'm happy again. Still we all have our down times, its part of life.
Looking at the big picture I'm one very lucky kitty, the thing I crave the most is being loved and wanted...and I have that in bucket loads
Laters xxxxxx
everything with Adz is going well and he's back in Essex for a little while so hes happy with friends and family.
I'm looking forward to Christmas this year as I'm spending it with Adz. My family are an odd bunch and xmas never seems a happy time with them.
I'm also getting my cat Jasmine back, I pick her up in the new year. Ive missed her so much and haven't seen her in 4 months. its a long story of why I haven't got her here but its ended well. Jasmine is my bestest mate, she knows all my fears and dreams but never judges me or tells me I'm stupid like many people do around me.
I have huge hopes and dreams for 2010, and Im going to make dam sure Im going to get them all one way or another.
Now I've had a few days internet free its made me realise just how much I use my lappy. I felt very lonely and I hate that feeling. Ive got my kitty sparkle back and I'm happy again. Still we all have our down times, its part of life.
Looking at the big picture I'm one very lucky kitty, the thing I crave the most is being loved and wanted...and I have that in bucket loads
Laters xxxxxx
Sunday, 22 November 2009
Santas on his way
After shopping yesterday and doing my back in i have had a lazy day at home. It was whilst drinking my tea this morning I realised it wasn't really long till Xmas and Santa will be well on his way.
My back was giving me some pain so I ended up going up to the hospital to A and E to make sure I hadn't done any real damage.
I had a very bad infection in my spine years ago and I was worried I might have that again. The doctor was really nice and said I'd pulled a muscle and just to take it easy for it to get better. I was relieved to hear it was something simple but it still bloody hurt.
My toothache has got better although its not gone altogether but at least I can eat and drink without that horrid pain shooting up my teeth.
Spoke to Adz on the phone a few times today which was nice. I love hearing his voice, mainly cos he's from the south and sounds so different to the folk up north. Adz voice is very soft which is the kind if he read you a story you could fall asleep to.
Life with CF hasn't been easy anyone who has it will tell you the same but after so many bad things happening in my life I finally think Ive found my soulmate. Its all Ive ever wanted in my life to have someone who understood and loved me for who I am and not what they wanted me to be, Adz takes me for me and doesn't want me to change. The main thing I feel towards him is love, and it feels nice.
I know no matter what our future holds I have a very dear friend for life in Adz but after years of wanting to be with him I'm not letting him go.
Laters xx
My back was giving me some pain so I ended up going up to the hospital to A and E to make sure I hadn't done any real damage.
I had a very bad infection in my spine years ago and I was worried I might have that again. The doctor was really nice and said I'd pulled a muscle and just to take it easy for it to get better. I was relieved to hear it was something simple but it still bloody hurt.
My toothache has got better although its not gone altogether but at least I can eat and drink without that horrid pain shooting up my teeth.
Spoke to Adz on the phone a few times today which was nice. I love hearing his voice, mainly cos he's from the south and sounds so different to the folk up north. Adz voice is very soft which is the kind if he read you a story you could fall asleep to.
Life with CF hasn't been easy anyone who has it will tell you the same but after so many bad things happening in my life I finally think Ive found my soulmate. Its all Ive ever wanted in my life to have someone who understood and loved me for who I am and not what they wanted me to be, Adz takes me for me and doesn't want me to change. The main thing I feel towards him is love, and it feels nice.
I know no matter what our future holds I have a very dear friend for life in Adz but after years of wanting to be with him I'm not letting him go.
Laters xx
Saturday, 21 November 2009
Christmas shopping and toothache
Well Ive been a good kitty and got ALL my christmas presant shopping done, that's the good bit. The bad bit is I still have sodding toothache. I'm going to the dentist soon so he can pull my jaw off and sort it it. I'll have something like an absess cos it hurts like buggery.
Its been strange not having Adz with me. He's back at work and not happy.Mind you I don't blame him as his work don't treat him right.
I've not done a great deal but now have a thing for cornflakes....I go thro strange cravings and I'm not pregnant lol.
The next few weeks I have appointments and then freedom for Christmas and New year YAAAYYY!!!!!!!
I'm staying with Adz over Xmas and new year which I'm really looking forward to.
Not much else to right today so i'm off for a well earned brew
laters dudes
xxxxx
Its been strange not having Adz with me. He's back at work and not happy.Mind you I don't blame him as his work don't treat him right.
I've not done a great deal but now have a thing for cornflakes....I go thro strange cravings and I'm not pregnant lol.
The next few weeks I have appointments and then freedom for Christmas and New year YAAAYYY!!!!!!!
I'm staying with Adz over Xmas and new year which I'm really looking forward to.
Not much else to right today so i'm off for a well earned brew
laters dudes
xxxxx
Thursday, 19 November 2009
Back home
I'm a well travelled kitty now and finding getting round the London underground quite easy now. My kidney's have been little buggers tho while Ive been away and the twichy feeling i get in my hands and feet are getting worse, this my friends could mean that dialysis is nearer or just my body being a spaz.
I've had a great week with Adz again the highlight for me at least was going to see Muse at the O2. I really enjoyed it and I think Ad did too. I love the time I spend with Adz although I get megga tired. The thing is if I slow down or stop I start to worry about things so I need to keep busy.
Had news about my sis and her health probs, we both have CF and my sis had liver probs. She has to see a liver dude as they've found a dark patch on her liver, so will know more when shes been to see him.
Trying to think of Xmas pressies for people, I swear it gets more and more difficult as the years roll on. I have however got Ads pressies sorted so thats a start.
I'm now back home for abit so will get my appointments out the way next week, CF clinic, GP and Renal....fantastic.
I'm still getting the hang of doing my kidney injections, its not too difficult but the needle is a lot longer than my insulin ones which kinda puts me off but im a brave kitten and keep trying till i get it.
My injections came today so I have the joy at doing one later. I would have still been with Ad but needed to get back for the delivery today as I have to sign for them.
Its been very windy here today so Ive stayed in. I was told I looked ill yesterday but to be honest I think its just cos I'm tired. I went to bed early and got up late but feel fine now. I know when i do start dialysis or if I'm lucky get a new kidney I will feel soooooo much better. I've forgotten what feeling well feels like now as I'm so used to feeling tired and being sick. My weight is down so CF clinic will have a moan..bugger.
Still on the bright side I'm very much in love and blissfully happy and that makes up for loads
Take it easy
xxxxx
I've had a great week with Adz again the highlight for me at least was going to see Muse at the O2. I really enjoyed it and I think Ad did too. I love the time I spend with Adz although I get megga tired. The thing is if I slow down or stop I start to worry about things so I need to keep busy.
Had news about my sis and her health probs, we both have CF and my sis had liver probs. She has to see a liver dude as they've found a dark patch on her liver, so will know more when shes been to see him.
Trying to think of Xmas pressies for people, I swear it gets more and more difficult as the years roll on. I have however got Ads pressies sorted so thats a start.
I'm now back home for abit so will get my appointments out the way next week, CF clinic, GP and Renal....fantastic.
I'm still getting the hang of doing my kidney injections, its not too difficult but the needle is a lot longer than my insulin ones which kinda puts me off but im a brave kitten and keep trying till i get it.
My injections came today so I have the joy at doing one later. I would have still been with Ad but needed to get back for the delivery today as I have to sign for them.
Its been very windy here today so Ive stayed in. I was told I looked ill yesterday but to be honest I think its just cos I'm tired. I went to bed early and got up late but feel fine now. I know when i do start dialysis or if I'm lucky get a new kidney I will feel soooooo much better. I've forgotten what feeling well feels like now as I'm so used to feeling tired and being sick. My weight is down so CF clinic will have a moan..bugger.
Still on the bright side I'm very much in love and blissfully happy and that makes up for loads
Take it easy
xxxxx
Saturday, 14 November 2009
If there's a God,he really doesn't like me
Got down to Adz OK after a late start on Wednesday, didn't do too much when I got there as I was tired. Thursday was a brillo day as we went to London ready to see Muse. We went to Nando's for tea then set off to the O2. Muse were fantastic as alway's and I really enjoyed it after all the trouble I had getting the dam tickets.
Friday we spent the day with the family of Adz friend who passed away. The family are so lovely and always make you feel wanted. Came home and went to bed. Couldn't get to sleep because of dam pains in my feet and hands. These God dam pains are getting worse and I'm sure its renal related. I'm on an injection every week that should help this restless feeling in my hands and feet but last night was the worst I have so far.
The trouble was I was so tired as well it seemed to make it worse, also the fact I was restless kept Adz awake as well which wasn't what I wanted. I was more worried about him not getting rest then about me. daft old kitty thinking of everyone else but herself.
Saturday we went shopping for a little while and came home, the wind was quite strong and I could have been used as a human kitty kite if you tied a piece of string to my ankle and i would have taken off. My weight is going further down which is worrying on its own as I'm eating yet not gaining weight. I think my blood sugars have been a little high from the stupid cold I had the other week.
All this said I'm still very happy just bloody fed up with my kidney's not being good and the thought of my own DIY transplant is very much at the front of my mind, the only thing is a dead cat kidney won't be big enough( only kidding). I have lots to cope with . having cystic fibrosis, diabetes and sight problems ive handled very well i think but kidnet failure has limited me very much in both what i can do and what i can eat. Most things people eat I can't have and the one thing I miss the most is pizza. I can't eat chocolate either so when I have a bad day I eat jellytots instead.
I have a very bad feeling that dialysis is getting very very close and it scares me to death. I've not done everything right in my life but I have tried very hard to get on track and have done so the last twelve years and still stuff goes bloody wrong....it does my head in at times.
Anyhoo, I'm still happy and smiley and keep pushing myseld to do things as if I don't I'll go mad and give up . Theres no way on Gods green earth I'm giving in to any of my health problems because they will win and I don't play that game..never have never will.
I'm also still very very much in love with Adz and have enjoyed my time with him soooo much. Funny how one person can change your life for the better. I never thought I'd ever get to be with Adz after liking him for soo long but I'm really pleased he wanted me too and feel very wanted, happy and loved.
take care dudes
xxxxx
Friday we spent the day with the family of Adz friend who passed away. The family are so lovely and always make you feel wanted. Came home and went to bed. Couldn't get to sleep because of dam pains in my feet and hands. These God dam pains are getting worse and I'm sure its renal related. I'm on an injection every week that should help this restless feeling in my hands and feet but last night was the worst I have so far.
The trouble was I was so tired as well it seemed to make it worse, also the fact I was restless kept Adz awake as well which wasn't what I wanted. I was more worried about him not getting rest then about me. daft old kitty thinking of everyone else but herself.
Saturday we went shopping for a little while and came home, the wind was quite strong and I could have been used as a human kitty kite if you tied a piece of string to my ankle and i would have taken off. My weight is going further down which is worrying on its own as I'm eating yet not gaining weight. I think my blood sugars have been a little high from the stupid cold I had the other week.
All this said I'm still very happy just bloody fed up with my kidney's not being good and the thought of my own DIY transplant is very much at the front of my mind, the only thing is a dead cat kidney won't be big enough( only kidding). I have lots to cope with . having cystic fibrosis, diabetes and sight problems ive handled very well i think but kidnet failure has limited me very much in both what i can do and what i can eat. Most things people eat I can't have and the one thing I miss the most is pizza. I can't eat chocolate either so when I have a bad day I eat jellytots instead.
I have a very bad feeling that dialysis is getting very very close and it scares me to death. I've not done everything right in my life but I have tried very hard to get on track and have done so the last twelve years and still stuff goes bloody wrong....it does my head in at times.
Anyhoo, I'm still happy and smiley and keep pushing myseld to do things as if I don't I'll go mad and give up . Theres no way on Gods green earth I'm giving in to any of my health problems because they will win and I don't play that game..never have never will.
I'm also still very very much in love with Adz and have enjoyed my time with him soooo much. Funny how one person can change your life for the better. I never thought I'd ever get to be with Adz after liking him for soo long but I'm really pleased he wanted me too and feel very wanted, happy and loved.
take care dudes
xxxxx
Tuesday, 10 November 2009
Coughs and sneezes
Got up this morning to go to see my GP. I hate going to doctors surgeries cos of all the folk and their illnesses. One thing that really bloody get's me is people who never cover their mouths when they cough or cover their nose when they sneeze, bloody bug ridden humans. And of course there were a few at the quacks today, so I moved to the other side of the room round the corner, hopefully bugs can't work out how to get round corners.
I'm off down to Essex tomorrow, I'm getting tired with all the travelling but its worth it to be with Adz. Things between us are still brillopads, infact they couldn't be better
I've had some positive news today but can't share it yet, not till i have all my info anyhoo.
I's been freezing cold here today and going round town was a nightmare as my teeth started hurting with the cold. Anyhoo it was nice to get home, have a shower and speak to Adz on the old dog and bone.
laters
xxxx
I'm off down to Essex tomorrow, I'm getting tired with all the travelling but its worth it to be with Adz. Things between us are still brillopads, infact they couldn't be better
I've had some positive news today but can't share it yet, not till i have all my info anyhoo.
I's been freezing cold here today and going round town was a nightmare as my teeth started hurting with the cold. Anyhoo it was nice to get home, have a shower and speak to Adz on the old dog and bone.
laters
xxxx
Monday, 9 November 2009
Bouncing around like a Tigger
Feel like Ive finally caught up on sleep. Bloody renal failure, it makes me so dam tired and sick. If I can find a spare kidney knocking around I'll do a DIY transplant on my self.
That aside I'm like a Tigger on prozac bouncing around and very smiley. Got hold of the ticket place to see where my muse tickets were as they haven't come yet and the gig is on Thursday.
After ringing a million times I finally got through and asked what was going on. They got my e-mail wrong and said the tickets should be with me today or tomorrow. I bloody hope so they cost the earth.
I've had a few nice comments from my friends saying what a caring person I am after supporting Adz last week. I never thought I was as its just how i am. I'm pleased people see me like that tho as i do try.
It doesn't cost anything to be nice to others, just wish everyone saw it like me.
I've been busy getting washing done ready for going back down south on Wednesday. I miss Adz when I'm back up North. As much as I love the north the south is a dam sight warmer.
Not much else to say today so time to put the kettle on again, I'm addicted to tea
laters
xxxxxxxx
That aside I'm like a Tigger on prozac bouncing around and very smiley. Got hold of the ticket place to see where my muse tickets were as they haven't come yet and the gig is on Thursday.
After ringing a million times I finally got through and asked what was going on. They got my e-mail wrong and said the tickets should be with me today or tomorrow. I bloody hope so they cost the earth.
I've had a few nice comments from my friends saying what a caring person I am after supporting Adz last week. I never thought I was as its just how i am. I'm pleased people see me like that tho as i do try.
It doesn't cost anything to be nice to others, just wish everyone saw it like me.
I've been busy getting washing done ready for going back down south on Wednesday. I miss Adz when I'm back up North. As much as I love the north the south is a dam sight warmer.
Not much else to say today so time to put the kettle on again, I'm addicted to tea
laters
xxxxxxxx
Sunday, 8 November 2009
Back home for a few day's
I got back home from Essex yesterday after a very long day. I'm totally shattered. Friday was a very difficult day for many reason's. Adz was looking very pale and tired, it was his friends funeral on Friday and i had stayed an extra day to support him. I'm not sure if I was any help, I mean what the hell do you say to someone who's lost a dear friend.I just held his hand and was quiet for most of the day apart from talking to a few people at the wake afterwards.
The one thing that really stood out on Friday was that Adz friend was very much loved by many people. The flowers that people had taken were beautiful, but the whole thing was beautiful a real tribute to a very special lady.
Later on Friday me and Adz went out with one of his friends but Adz was not really in a happy mood aas you can understand.
Thursday was a fantastic day as we had a day in London after Adz had a review at the hospital. Both of us were tired out tho but it was fun.
I got back around 5pm Saturday totally shattered and not feeling great. My kidneys are being naughty and making me very tired, sick and achey. I went to bed around 11pm and didn't get up till 1.45 pm. Just goes to show Ive worn myself out.
I was very proud of Adz, he's shown strength and love to his friends family and helped them a great deal. I think I'm a very lucky girl to have such a wonderful person in my life.
I'm thinking of going to uni next year to do a degree in Art. I'm not sure if they'll except me but its worth a try. Ive wanted to do a degree for a while but lack of confidance kinda got me.
Anyhoo we shall see.. time for another brew I think LOL
Laters
xxxxx
The one thing that really stood out on Friday was that Adz friend was very much loved by many people. The flowers that people had taken were beautiful, but the whole thing was beautiful a real tribute to a very special lady.
Later on Friday me and Adz went out with one of his friends but Adz was not really in a happy mood aas you can understand.
Thursday was a fantastic day as we had a day in London after Adz had a review at the hospital. Both of us were tired out tho but it was fun.
I got back around 5pm Saturday totally shattered and not feeling great. My kidneys are being naughty and making me very tired, sick and achey. I went to bed around 11pm and didn't get up till 1.45 pm. Just goes to show Ive worn myself out.
I was very proud of Adz, he's shown strength and love to his friends family and helped them a great deal. I think I'm a very lucky girl to have such a wonderful person in my life.
I'm thinking of going to uni next year to do a degree in Art. I'm not sure if they'll except me but its worth a try. Ive wanted to do a degree for a while but lack of confidance kinda got me.
Anyhoo we shall see.. time for another brew I think LOL
Laters
xxxxx
Wednesday, 4 November 2009
bright stars and future plans
I had my hair cut today for the first time in 12 years, it was a little scary to sat the least. I've loved being with Adz and it feel's like Ive been here alot longer than a week. We had a drive out the other night which was great, we went for a long drive home after the film we saw and the sky was filled with stars if only for a short time.
I started to think of patrick and how he would have loved to have seen those stars that night. i'm sure everyone who has lost a loved one will say the same but patrick would have been the brightest star in the sky , for many reason's
We went to sort out flower's for Adz friends funeral on Friday, we chose the colours and hopefully it will look lovely.
Have been making plans for the future and things are looking the best they've been in a while. dare i say I'm quite excited about stuff.
Me and Adz are off to see muse next week( 12th), just hope the tickets are thee when i get home from Adz place.
I'm also going to go and see my Dad as its his birthday( 70th)
All in all I'm very happy. I love Adz with all my heart, I hope he holds up OK on Friday...poor lamb looks lost at times, I feel helpless as I never got to know his friend but I will be as supportive as I can, I sometimes just want to hold him and say its going to be ok but life with CF is never OK really and I can't change that for either of us. Life with the things we have to do and put up with is very difficult, the hardest thing is loosing our friends way to soon before their time.
Love you Adz..always will xx
I started to think of patrick and how he would have loved to have seen those stars that night. i'm sure everyone who has lost a loved one will say the same but patrick would have been the brightest star in the sky , for many reason's
We went to sort out flower's for Adz friends funeral on Friday, we chose the colours and hopefully it will look lovely.
Have been making plans for the future and things are looking the best they've been in a while. dare i say I'm quite excited about stuff.
Me and Adz are off to see muse next week( 12th), just hope the tickets are thee when i get home from Adz place.
I'm also going to go and see my Dad as its his birthday( 70th)
All in all I'm very happy. I love Adz with all my heart, I hope he holds up OK on Friday...poor lamb looks lost at times, I feel helpless as I never got to know his friend but I will be as supportive as I can, I sometimes just want to hold him and say its going to be ok but life with CF is never OK really and I can't change that for either of us. Life with the things we have to do and put up with is very difficult, the hardest thing is loosing our friends way to soon before their time.
Love you Adz..always will xx
Sunday, 1 November 2009
Life keep's getting better
The time I'm spending with Adz is just fantastic, the thing is things are just getting better and better. I'm going to stay with Adz parents next week, I get on really well with them, they are really lovely people. We went to see the film Up tonight which was really good and was funny. Before we went to see the film we went bowling. I'm not brill at bowling by any means but I beat Adz by one point which I was very pleased with. Also had a game on suffleboard which I'm very good at as I've had practice when living near the seaside, and beat Adz at that too lol
Trying very hard to be a supportive girlfriend for Friday, its going to be a very difficult time.
Just love spending time with Adz and have not much really to write as you'll all get to bored of it all
laters
x
Trying very hard to be a supportive girlfriend for Friday, its going to be a very difficult time.
Just love spending time with Adz and have not much really to write as you'll all get to bored of it all
laters
x
Friday, 30 October 2009
Down south and blissfully happy
Well After a rather busy day yest, it was nice to be back with Adz at his home. It was a very sad day yest as I met Adz's friends mum. It was difficult as I never met her b4 and she had just lost her child.
I'm a good person when it comes to sitting and listening to people, and that's really all i could do. It was hard to see someone so upset and in disbelief and all i wanted to do was cuddle both Adz friends mum and Adz.
I can be very strong for people in these tough times but this was difficult for me seeing Adz so upset and he's clearly been crying.
Today was another day of just talking and having a look round town. I bought some DVD's that we could both watch and we also went for dinner with one of Adz friends.
All in all apart from the sadness of loosing someone I'm totally happy and feel at home here. For the first time in years finally things are going well and I can look forward.
I'm a very happy little kitty and very much in love.
Health wise I'm ok and starting to feel Ok but my kidneys are still hurting. I have felt abit " off" the last few day's with feeling headachey and sick but I know this is to do with my kidneys, so I need to drink more water... I'll try.
A bit of a short one as its late so take care
later gater
xxxxxx
I'm a good person when it comes to sitting and listening to people, and that's really all i could do. It was hard to see someone so upset and in disbelief and all i wanted to do was cuddle both Adz friends mum and Adz.
I can be very strong for people in these tough times but this was difficult for me seeing Adz so upset and he's clearly been crying.
Today was another day of just talking and having a look round town. I bought some DVD's that we could both watch and we also went for dinner with one of Adz friends.
All in all apart from the sadness of loosing someone I'm totally happy and feel at home here. For the first time in years finally things are going well and I can look forward.
I'm a very happy little kitty and very much in love.
Health wise I'm ok and starting to feel Ok but my kidneys are still hurting. I have felt abit " off" the last few day's with feeling headachey and sick but I know this is to do with my kidneys, so I need to drink more water... I'll try.
A bit of a short one as its late so take care
later gater
xxxxxx
Wednesday, 28 October 2009
Another life lost
After my earlier post I'm very sad to sad that Adz lost his friend.. I never knew this friend but my heart is saddened to hear this news and my thoughts and prayers go to this person's family, friends and loved ones..and to my darling Adz xxxxxxxx
Sadness that CF causes
I'm one excited kitty, I'm going to the big smoke tomorrow and meeting Adz. I'm soooo loooking forward to seeing him.
Sadly one of Adz friends is very very poorly. This is how cruel CF can be and its not fair by any means. All us CF's deal with loosing friend's to it at some point in our lives but it never get's any easier the older you get. Sadly alot of sufferers pass away at a far too young age and this is difficult for anyone to get their heads round.
I remember I lost 18 friends in two years to CF, they were all under 30, four of those people were very very close friends of mine and i loved them very much. There's not a day gone by that those people are not in my thought's.
I feel for Adz as there's nothing anyone can do now except pray and hope. His friend is in God's hand's now and if your listening up there just make this person strong enough to get through this.
I'm very lucky CF wise although everything else has had it, my lungs seem to be good and I've had no IV treatment for 18 months plus my poor old kidneys wouldn't cope with being stuffed full of more drugs.
I've had a really normal life even though I'm far from normal I quite enjoy being nuts and not taking life so seriously.
I'm going to be as supportive for Adz as I can be, I wish there was more I could do but this is a road noone can help with
Lifes a bugger
I am going to love every second with Adz, I miss him when Im not with him. I am though a very happy yet tired kitty after todays travels to Hospital. My veins are crap infact I don't think theres blood in me at all. Julie my lovely nurse got a nice little fat vein in the back of my hand. It was all going well when the veib blew and a rather large lump appeared. We got what blood was needed thankfully but its left me with a rather big bruise on my hand...I have a war wound LOL
I got back home early afternoon and started packing. Why is it girls always have way too much stuff. I'm going for a week but it looks like i'm going for a month. I repacked fopur times and theres still tons of it, mainly tablets and crap.
Anyhoo packed and ready to go..train at 8AM so its an early start for kitty.
will update when I can
and Angels do your thing and protect Adz friend...
Later gater
xxxx
Sadly one of Adz friends is very very poorly. This is how cruel CF can be and its not fair by any means. All us CF's deal with loosing friend's to it at some point in our lives but it never get's any easier the older you get. Sadly alot of sufferers pass away at a far too young age and this is difficult for anyone to get their heads round.
I remember I lost 18 friends in two years to CF, they were all under 30, four of those people were very very close friends of mine and i loved them very much. There's not a day gone by that those people are not in my thought's.
I feel for Adz as there's nothing anyone can do now except pray and hope. His friend is in God's hand's now and if your listening up there just make this person strong enough to get through this.
I'm very lucky CF wise although everything else has had it, my lungs seem to be good and I've had no IV treatment for 18 months plus my poor old kidneys wouldn't cope with being stuffed full of more drugs.
I've had a really normal life even though I'm far from normal I quite enjoy being nuts and not taking life so seriously.
I'm going to be as supportive for Adz as I can be, I wish there was more I could do but this is a road noone can help with
Lifes a bugger
I am going to love every second with Adz, I miss him when Im not with him. I am though a very happy yet tired kitty after todays travels to Hospital. My veins are crap infact I don't think theres blood in me at all. Julie my lovely nurse got a nice little fat vein in the back of my hand. It was all going well when the veib blew and a rather large lump appeared. We got what blood was needed thankfully but its left me with a rather big bruise on my hand...I have a war wound LOL
I got back home early afternoon and started packing. Why is it girls always have way too much stuff. I'm going for a week but it looks like i'm going for a month. I repacked fopur times and theres still tons of it, mainly tablets and crap.
Anyhoo packed and ready to go..train at 8AM so its an early start for kitty.
will update when I can
and Angels do your thing and protect Adz friend...
Later gater
xxxx
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