Laptop's had swine flu

I've not been on here for a few day's due to my laptop being ill with swine flu. Its alot better now and Im up and running again. Have had a few down days with one thing or another. A very close friend has been ill and was taken into hospital. I must admit I thought I wasn't goping to see him again and its been quite stressful. Thankfully my friend is well on the mend but its going to take a good while before he runs a marathon.
everything with Adz is going well and he's back in Essex for a little while so hes happy with friends and family.
I'm looking forward to Christmas this year as I'm spending it with Adz. My family are an odd bunch and xmas never seems a happy time with them.
I'm also getting my cat Jasmine back, I pick her up in the new year. Ive missed her so much and haven't seen her in 4 months. its a long story of why I haven't got her here but its ended well. Jasmine is my bestest mate, she knows all my fears and dreams but never judges me or tells me I'm stupid like many people do around me.
I have huge hopes and dreams for 2010, and Im going to make dam sure Im going to get them all one way or another.
Now I've had a few days internet free its made me realise just how much I use my lappy. I felt very lonely and I hate that feeling. Ive got my kitty sparkle back and I'm happy again. Still we all have our down times, its part of life.
Looking at the big picture I'm one very lucky kitty, the thing I crave the most is being loved and wanted...and I have that in bucket loads
Laters xxxxxx

Santas on his way

After shopping yesterday and doing my back in i have had a lazy day at home. It was whilst drinking my tea this morning I realised it wasn't really long till Xmas and Santa will be well on his way.
My back was giving me some pain so I ended up going up to the hospital to A and E to make sure I hadn't done any real damage.
I had a very bad infection in my spine years ago and I was worried I might have that again. The doctor was really nice and said I'd pulled a muscle and just to take it easy for it to get better. I was relieved to hear it was something simple but it still bloody hurt.
My toothache has got better although its not gone altogether but at least I can eat and drink without that horrid pain shooting up my teeth.
Spoke to Adz on the phone a few times today which was nice. I love hearing his voice, mainly cos he's from the south and sounds so different to the folk up north. Adz voice is very soft which is the kind if he read you a story you could fall asleep to.
Life with CF hasn't been easy anyone who has it will tell you the same but after so many bad things happening in my life I finally think Ive found my soulmate. Its all Ive ever wanted in my life to have someone who understood and loved me for who I am and not what they wanted me to be, Adz takes me for me and doesn't want me to change. The main thing I feel towards him is love, and it feels nice.
I know no matter what our future holds I have a very dear friend for life in Adz but after years of wanting to be with him I'm not letting him go.
Laters xx

Christmas shopping and toothache

Well Ive been a good kitty and got ALL my christmas presant shopping done, that's the good bit. The bad bit is I still have sodding toothache. I'm going to the dentist soon so he can pull my jaw off and sort it it. I'll have something like an absess cos it hurts like buggery.
Its been strange not having Adz with me. He's back at work and not happy.Mind you I don't blame him as his work don't treat him right.
I've not done a great deal but now have a thing for cornflakes....I go thro strange cravings and I'm not pregnant lol.
The next few weeks I have appointments and then freedom for Christmas and New year YAAAYYY!!!!!!!
I'm staying with Adz over Xmas and new year which I'm really looking forward to.
Not much else to right today so i'm off for a well earned brew
laters dudes
xxxxx

Back home

I'm a well travelled kitty now and finding getting round the London underground quite easy now. My kidney's have been little buggers tho while Ive been away and the twichy feeling i get in my hands and feet are getting worse, this my friends could mean that dialysis is nearer or just my body being a spaz.
I've had a great week with Adz again the highlight for me at least was going to see Muse at the O2. I really enjoyed it and I think Ad did too. I love the time I spend with Adz although I get megga tired. The thing is if I slow down or stop I start to worry about things so I need to keep busy.
Had news about my sis and her health probs, we both have CF and my sis had liver probs. She has to see a liver dude as they've found a dark patch on her liver, so will know more when shes been to see him.
Trying to think of Xmas pressies for people, I swear it gets more and more difficult as the years roll on. I have however got Ads pressies sorted so thats a start.
I'm now back home for abit so will get my appointments out the way next week, CF clinic, GP and Renal....fantastic.
I'm still getting the hang of doing my kidney injections, its not too difficult but the needle is a lot longer than my insulin ones which kinda puts me off but im a brave kitten and keep trying till i get it.
My injections came today so I have the joy at doing one later. I would have still been with Ad but needed to get back for the delivery today as I have to sign for them.
Its been very windy here today so Ive stayed in. I was told I looked ill yesterday but to be honest I think its just cos I'm tired. I went to bed early and got up late but feel fine now. I know when i do start dialysis or if I'm lucky get a new kidney I will feel soooooo much better. I've forgotten what feeling well feels like now as I'm so used to feeling tired and being sick. My weight is down so CF clinic will have a moan..bugger.
Still on the bright side I'm very much in love and blissfully happy and that makes up for loads
Take it easy
xxxxx

If there's a God,he really doesn't like me

Got down to Adz OK after a late start on Wednesday, didn't do too much when I got there as I was tired. Thursday was a brillo day as we went to London ready to see Muse. We went to Nando's for tea then set off to the O2. Muse were fantastic as alway's and I really enjoyed it after all the trouble I had getting the dam tickets.
Friday we spent the day with the family of Adz friend who passed away. The family are so lovely and always make you feel wanted. Came home and went to bed. Couldn't get to sleep because of dam pains in my feet and hands. These God dam pains are getting worse and I'm sure its renal related. I'm on an injection every week that should help this restless feeling in my hands and feet but last night was the worst I have so far.
The trouble was I was so tired as well it seemed to make it worse, also the fact I was restless kept Adz awake as well which wasn't what I wanted. I was more worried about him not getting rest then about me. daft old kitty thinking of everyone else but herself.
Saturday we went shopping for a little while and came home, the wind was quite strong and I could have been used as a human kitty kite if you tied a piece of string to my ankle and i would have taken off. My weight is going further down which is worrying on its own as I'm eating yet not gaining weight. I think my blood sugars have been a little high from the stupid cold I had the other week.
All this said I'm still very happy just bloody fed up with my kidney's not being good and the thought of my own DIY transplant is very much at the front of my mind, the only thing is a dead cat kidney won't be big enough( only kidding). I have lots to cope with . having cystic fibrosis, diabetes and sight problems ive handled very well i think but kidnet failure has limited me very much in both what i can do and what i can eat. Most things people eat I can't have and the one thing I miss the most is pizza. I can't eat chocolate either so when I have a bad day I eat jellytots instead.
I have a very bad feeling that dialysis is getting very very close and it scares me to death. I've not done everything right in my life but I have tried very hard to get on track and have done so the last twelve years and still stuff goes bloody wrong....it does my head in at times.
Anyhoo, I'm still happy and smiley and keep pushing myseld to do things as if I don't I'll go mad and give up . Theres no way on Gods green earth I'm giving in to any of my health problems because they will win and I don't play that game..never have never will.
I'm also still very very much in love with Adz and have enjoyed my time with him soooo much. Funny how one person can change your life for the better. I never thought I'd ever get to be with Adz after liking him for soo long but I'm really pleased he wanted me too and feel very wanted, happy and loved.
take care dudes
xxxxx

Coughs and sneezes

Got up this morning to go to see my GP. I hate going to doctors surgeries cos of all the folk and their illnesses. One thing that really bloody get's me is people who never cover their mouths when they cough or cover their nose when they sneeze, bloody bug ridden humans. And of course there were a few at the quacks today, so I moved to the other side of the room round the corner, hopefully bugs can't work out how to get round corners.
I'm off down to Essex tomorrow, I'm getting tired with all the travelling but its worth it to be with Adz. Things between us are still brillopads, infact they couldn't be better
I've had some positive news today but can't share it yet, not till i have all my info anyhoo.
I's been freezing cold here today and going round town was a nightmare as my teeth started hurting with the cold. Anyhoo it was nice to get home, have a shower and speak to Adz on the old dog and bone.
laters
xxxx

Bouncing around like a Tigger

Feel like Ive finally caught up on sleep. Bloody renal failure, it makes me so dam tired and sick. If I can find a spare kidney knocking around I'll do a DIY transplant on my self.
That aside I'm like a Tigger on prozac bouncing around and very smiley. Got hold of the ticket place to see where my muse tickets were as they haven't come yet and the gig is on Thursday.
After ringing a million times I finally got through and asked what was going on. They got my e-mail wrong and said the tickets should be with me today or tomorrow. I bloody hope so they cost the earth.
I've had a few nice comments from my friends saying what a caring person I am after supporting Adz last week. I never thought I was as its just how i am. I'm pleased people see me like that tho as i do try.
It doesn't cost anything to be nice to others, just wish everyone saw it like me.
I've been busy getting washing done ready for going back down south on Wednesday. I miss Adz when I'm back up North. As much as I love the north the south is a dam sight warmer.
Not much else to say today so time to put the kettle on again, I'm addicted to tea
laters
xxxxxxxx

Back home for a few day's

I got back home from Essex yesterday after a very long day. I'm totally shattered. Friday was a very difficult day for many reason's. Adz was looking very pale and tired, it was his friends funeral on Friday and i had stayed an extra day to support him. I'm not sure if I was any help, I mean what the hell do you say to someone who's lost a dear friend.I just held his hand and was quiet for most of the day apart from talking to a few people at the wake afterwards.
The one thing that really stood out on Friday was that Adz friend was very much loved by many people. The flowers that people had taken were beautiful, but the whole thing was beautiful a real tribute to a very special lady.
Later on Friday me and Adz went out with one of his friends but Adz was not really in a happy mood aas you can understand.
Thursday was a fantastic day as we had a day in London after Adz had a review at the hospital. Both of us were tired out tho but it was fun.
I got back around 5pm Saturday totally shattered and not feeling great. My kidneys are being naughty and making me very tired, sick and achey. I went to bed around 11pm and didn't get up till 1.45 pm. Just goes to show Ive worn myself out.
I was very proud of Adz, he's shown strength and love to his friends family and helped them a great deal. I think I'm a very lucky girl to have such a wonderful person in my life.
I'm thinking of going to uni next year to do a degree in Art. I'm not sure if they'll except me but its worth a try. Ive wanted to do a degree for a while but lack of confidance kinda got me.
Anyhoo we shall see.. time for another brew I think LOL
Laters
xxxxx

bright stars and future plans

I had my hair cut today for the first time in 12 years, it was a little scary to sat the least. I've loved being with Adz and it feel's like Ive been here alot longer than a week. We had a drive out the other night which was great, we went for a long drive home after the film we saw and the sky was filled with stars if only for a short time.
I started to think of patrick and how he would have loved to have seen those stars that night. i'm sure everyone who has lost a loved one will say the same but patrick would have been the brightest star in the sky , for many reason's
We went to sort out flower's for Adz friends funeral on Friday, we chose the colours and hopefully it will look lovely.
Have been making plans for the future and things are looking the best they've been in a while. dare i say I'm quite excited about stuff.
Me and Adz are off to see muse next week( 12th), just hope the tickets are thee when i get home from Adz place.
I'm also going to go and see my Dad as its his birthday( 70th)
All in all I'm very happy. I love Adz with all my heart, I hope he holds up OK on Friday...poor lamb looks lost at times, I feel helpless as I never got to know his friend but I will be as supportive as I can, I sometimes just want to hold him and say its going to be ok but life with CF is never OK really and I can't change that for either of us. Life with the things we have to do and put up with is very difficult, the hardest thing is loosing our friends way to soon before their time.
Love you Adz..always will xx

Life keep's getting better

The time I'm spending with Adz is just fantastic, the thing is things are just getting better and better. I'm going to stay with Adz parents next week, I get on really well with them, they are really lovely people. We went to see the film Up tonight which was really good and was funny. Before we went to see the film we went bowling. I'm not brill at bowling by any means but I beat Adz by one point which I was very pleased with. Also had a game on suffleboard which I'm very good at as I've had practice when living near the seaside, and beat Adz at that too lol
Trying very hard to be a supportive girlfriend for Friday, its going to be a very difficult time.
Just love spending time with Adz and have not much really to write as you'll all get to bored of it all
laters
x